back to work: trying not to lose focus

I just finished my fourth week of work since returning from maternity leave and it doesn't really feel like it's getting any easier.  I'm more sleep deprived than ever {think newborn days} and I have even more on my plate than I did while I was off for a year.  Not that I'm complaining about the other work, it's just that some of the work feels daunting and as if it's taking me away from spending valuable time with the ones I love.

I guess I never though I'd become one of those moms.  I thought I'd enjoy working full-time and coming home to a house full of kids ready for dinner and bedtimes.  I thought I'd love to continue having the paycheque I've become accustomed to over the last few years.  I didn't think I'd feel this guilty.  In fact, I was fine when I returned to work after Lil J.  So what happened?

Doing the school runs every day happened.  Spending days at the parks, the playgrounds and the beaches happened.  Bonding with my kids happened.  Cuddles, hugs, kisses and leisure time happened.  Playdates and catch-up dates with old and new friends happened.  This blog happened.

Lots of things happened.

And everything that did happen in the last year has given me a new perspective.  Life isn't all about the paycheque all the time.  Sure it pays the bills, keeps food on the table and creates stability.  But you should be happy.  Happiness goes along way when you're a mother and a wife.

Just saying.

A close friend asked me last week if I had gotten "into the groove" of being back at work.  My answer?  I hope I never do because I don't want to lose focus.

Yes, I'm a daydreamer and, yes, I'm a dreamer.  But this time, I'm going to make my dreams happen.

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