the journey 2.0: to do it or not to...

My brother texts me this afternoon to tell me that he reads my blog.  There goes my perception that my family and friends DON'T read my blog!

This baby fever has completely taken over my mind when I'm not thinking about Lil J, school, work, what to make for dinner or anything else that occupies my daily thoughts. 

I keep going back and forth, back and forth.  Yes, I do want a baby!  No, I can't handle another baby right now!  Yes, another baby would be so much fun!  No, we haven't found a 4 or 5 bedroom house yet!!

I want each of my kids to have their own rooms plus a playroom or den.  I want them to have a yard.  I want them to go to good schools.  Everything I want for them just seems so unaffordable!  Have you seen house prices in Vancouver lately?

I've been off the pill for about a month but we've also been careful due to my fear that sets in every time I imagine a newborn baby crying.  Not 100% sure I can handle that right now.  Plus, would Lil J have to go to pre-school/daycare full-time when I go back to work?  I just found out that in order to obtain maternity leave top-ups, I have to return to work for at least 6 months after my maternity leave ends.

There is just too much to think about.  I just want to get through this course, which ends in early June, and then I can get to thinking more seriously about this.  By that time, it will almost be Lil J's 2nd birthday - right on our doctor's schedule!  Perfect, perfect timing.

- swank|mama

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